Approaching 1000

Hello there everyone.
I am very soon to go over the 1000 page views boundary! I really can't believe so many of you want to read my random chatterings, but thank you very much!

I apologies that I haven't been very active of late. Writers block I suppose. I don't feel very positive about things going on in my life, there are people and situations making things very stressful and I don't want to write whole posts full of misery! So I have been choosing silence.

On a positive note, Noah has become the biggest mimic and a right little chatterbox. He comes home from nursery singing and doing the actions of a new rhyme every day, he recites the swimming teachers instructions in the car on the way home, every time we teach him a new word he uses it the next time in perfect context, he is beginning to use possessive words (without the actual s though) - 'Mummy tea', 'Noah boots', 'Daddy tootah (computer)', even the occasional two words strung together - this morning at breakfast he was quite concerned that we haven't seen his best pal in a couple of weeks and kept saying 'Where Lois?'. It really is adorable, and a little scary how much he notices!

I'm going to have to get some video of him singing the nursery rhymes, the wheels on the bus is just the best!

Because what's a blog post without a photo - Noah insists on wearing these shorts whenever
he can despite the rather chilly temperatures!

On having a poorly child

Snuggled up in the sofa bed - now to be called the sick den -  watching a disney movie

Noah has been really poorly for the last few days. Right now he is upstairs having a nice long nap which is the first time since Thursday. If only he had decided to sleep a bit later and I would have been able to sleep as well, none of us have been able to sleep whilst he's been ill!

It started on Thursday, I had no idea what was wrong with him, he just whined. All day. I took his temp in the afternoon because I couldn't figure out what else it could be and didn't want to take him to his swimming lesson if he was sick! The temp was fine though, so we went ahead with swimming. That evening though his temp went right up and has been floating around 38.5 - 39 degrees ever since. It did shoot up above 40 at one point which totally freaked me out (read about febrile seizures over on Melissa's blog), but he had fallen asleep under a duvet! He's had a rash on and off on his chest but this morning it came up all over his face and his eyes were all puffy. I decided it was time to visit the doctors, I knew that there wouldn't really be anything they could do but some reassurance is nice! Sure enough it is just a virus, a nasty one though, so no antibiotics unless the rash becomes pustules that start weeping (please no!). We did get some cream for his rash which will hopefully keep him more comfortable. I also got the reassurance I needed that we are doing everything right, keeping him in just a nappy, alternating between calpol and nurofen to keep his temperature in check (it hasn't actually brought it down much but at least it doesn't get any higher) and making sure he drinks lots.

The biggest shock to me has been I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT! I have become an overprotective worry mum! I'm usually so calm in a crisis, if anything happens to me I just get on with it and stay fairly level headed. Not when it's my baby apparently! I just want to take it away from him and feel sick myself! I need to hold him all the time when he's at his worst. Even if Thomas is holding him instead of me my hands are itching to take him and clutch him to me! I would give anything to make him better now.

Bx

Achieving one's potential

I've been trying to find the words to say how I am feeling about my work at the moment, but they are not forthcoming.

I have worked at Caffe Nero for more than six years now. I first got the job when I decided to leave university before completing my nursing degree. Not becoming a nurse was something I never regret, I knew I was not good at the job, I found the human biology interesting but that was about all. When I got the job it was meant to be an interim, whilst I figured out what I did want to do.

I found I was great at my job, unashamedly, although it just came to me so easily it just seemed common sense to me (this does cause problems for me when other people struggle with the job, I can't understand their difficulty). I was running my own shop a little more than a year after I started.

Management did not come so easily. I cared too much about what people thought of me, did everything I could to keep my staff happy and didn't really care for the numbers. Yet as is inevitable, at times my staff hated me, as a manager you shoulder the blame for everything they dislike about the job and I couldn't deal with it. When I became pregnant I was thrilled, not just because we were having a baby, but because I was more than ready to leave. I hoped I wouldn't have to return but there was no way we could afford that!

Maternity leave was good for me though. I was ready to go back and when I did I was actually pleased to have some days off from being a mummy. I now work as an assistant manager in a really busy shop. I am a much better number two, although I have realised I was a much better manager than I gave myself credit for at the time. My new boss is great we get on so well, think so alike but also have different priorities, I do the people side, he does the numbers! I can't say how much I enjoy working with him, I now love my job again.

I just have one issue, the pay. I get £7 an hour. To try and describe everything I have to do in one shift it would last pages. Customers often treat us like we are stupid because of the job we do, but I think few people could do it well. You need to be able to do about 100 things at once. We always run on minimum staff so my time is divided between loads of tasks whilst making sure everything I can't do is being done by someone else! It's all second nature to me now though, my colleagues think I'm a genius problem solver but I've just had everything happen before! I know I deserve more pay but I'm being unrealistic.

I would love to be able to move on, do a job that challenges me more. I dream of being an event planner, I'm not sure what; live music, weddings, conferences, fundraising..... and I know I would be good at the job and have many transferable skills, but how many people would look at my CV and think that? How can I leave a job that is so flexible with my hours so I can do what is best for our family? I would probably have to travel meaning that in an entry level job I would probably have less take home. Would it be better to do a degree to have a chance of a higher level job?

I can't answer these questions at the moment and I don't feel ready to leave Nero, but that may just be fear of the unknown. If anyone would like to hire me freelance to plan a party I wouldn't say no though!

Bx

My Heart's Desires

Noah enjoying a walk around town

Right now there are two things I want with all my heart and neither seem to be happening.
I go through days when I don't mind so much and I feel better, but then other days it just hits me and I feel frustrated and angry, upset and disappointed. I feel stupid for feeling like this when I have so much to be thankful for, but I just don't seem to be able to get over them!

Firstly I would like a car! It is the worst thing being able to drive and not having anything to drive. When it's a lovely bright sunny day on a relaxed week I love walking around Ashford. I feel lucky that I can walk to the music groups and swimming lessons, that they are almost on my doorstep. On a rainy day, or in a busy week when I have lots to get done I get so frustrated. Swimming is a 40 minute walk away, not so nice when it's wet. Also that makes 1 hour 20 mins walking for a 30 minute lesson! There are buses, which supposedly run 'every 15 minutes' but more often that not you can wait half an hour before one comes, I would rather be walking and keeping warm! I have also been told I can't get on a bus with the buggy or I have to fold it up, which of course the bus driver wont help with! The last time this happened I actual had to give Noah to a regular customer from my old shop who had stopped to say hello because there was no way I could do it alone! So that was pretty much the last time I attempted the bus! We have no money for a car, not a penny spare really, I wish we could find a way but with Noah starting nursery there's no way!

Secondly, I would like another baby. My body seems to have other ideas about that, maybe it's seen our bank balance.....

Oyster and Chop House, Herne Bay

Mallard with wild rice and fennel, ginger and rhubarb sauce

Last night we went out for a meal for Thomas' Grandad's 70th birthday. It's safe to say that we like to eat out, A LOT. However, we would rather go out less and have great food than more often and it not be so good. Recently we ate at a beefeater and the food was way too much and fairly average, the service was slow and they didn't listen to my request for Noah's food to come out as soon as physically possible, instead it came out after ours! I felt disappointed that it still wasn't exactly cheap but it really wasn't worth the visit!

Last night most certainly was not a disappointment. The Oyster and Chop House in Herne Bay was way better than I was expecting. All the food they served was sourced within 18 miles of the restaurant, it was all fairtrade and organic where possible and it was ALL beautifully presented and delicious, and I didn't feel stuffed just perfectly comfortable and satisfied. The coffee was great too.

Most definitely worth a drive! Go try it.
Bx

Ahhhh bliss!

I am writing this post in an empty house! I have a coffee, some biscuits and I'm listening to my friend Sarah talk about her wonderful business Archie's Boutique on Croydon radio.

Today is my first Wednesday morning with Noah at nursery. I have nearly cleaned the whole house, just the bathrooms to do after elevenses. I kept finding myself at the bottom of the stairs listI was halfway through the housework when I realised that not only will I have this precious time to do the housework, but also the house wont get in such a mess as two whole day a week there will be no one in the house! I can't stress how pleased I am we put Noah in nursery! Of course we haven't paid anything yet, so I may feel different when we are really scraping the barrel to get by!

Here's Noah posing for the obligatory 'first day at nursery' shot

I wonder how long I will go on enjoying it. Noah was really good on his first day, but he does have a tendency to be pretty rough with other kids. I may just come to find it completely embarrassing picking him up each week and hearing all the naughty things he has done!

Baking (or not) with a toddler

I am beginning to search for structured activities I can do with Noah. He is such a busy bee and I want to try and get him to sit down and calm down so we can spend some time learning and playing together.
Today we tried an alphabet puzzle, he copied every noise I made of the letters, but his interest in the actual puzzle was none and he soon wandered off. I tried some flash cards, the have colours and number but I was just trying to get him to tell me what the pictures were of. Some I knew he knew for definite but his response was just "no" to everything!
So after he walked into the lounge and asked for the telly to go on AGAIN, I decided to crack out the big guns; "Noah we are going to bake something!".
I had a very simple cookie mix I got for christmas, so I thought it would be fine! We donned our aprons and he seemed pretty keen!

He liked mixing things and I thought he would like using the rolling pin as he likes doing it with playdough, but no, he lost interest about then.

So I pretty much made the biscuits myself, he cut one out I think, but that was under duress! The end result was good though and he did enjoy them!